Pakistan Travel Journal by Ankur R Desai

Part I

Thought I'd take a break from work to send a short note to say hello from Lahore: it's hot here. Aisha is looking radiant, and can't wait to go on her honeymoon to the mountains (Swat, Pakistan) but is experiencing the stress of the bride-to-be and tired of having opinions about things (really!) and running family errands in the middle of the day under the sun and not getting much time to see her love. We've yet to meet Humayun (sic), but soon I gather. There are lots of people coming in and out, and more seem to arrive each day.

Lately, we have been experiencing near record highs here, with afternoon highs around 45-46 C (115-117 F), though it's quite dry (humidty < 20%, dewpoint in the 50s F) and nighttime lows anywhere from 26-36 C (80-98 F). Forecast for near 51 C (123 F!) possible in a few days. As such, afternoons are mostly spent indoors, under the ceiling fan, people moving slowly. Luckily, we are spending our nights in an air-conditioned (that kinda works, but a luxury nonetheless) bedroom at a friend's place. They even have a stand up shower (instead of bucket baths), though the city water turns off sporadically during the day due to a low water table.

Maya is doing well and seems to be enjoying the large number of small kids around and many toys, though she's still getting used to the time zone. Heat doesn't seem to bother her too much, though her hair is getting quite curly in the heat, and her cheeks always look flushed. Right now, she and several other kids are napping on mats in the dining room of Aisha'a house, while Emily and other women are working on wedding related projects in the living room, and I'm in Aisha's room doing work and taking advantage of her wireless (though slowish) cable modem connection.

The flight out was fine, but long. Lots of kids on the first 13 hour flight (to Dubai, UAE), most of whom seemed pretty antsy to get out toward the end. Maya did fine, but didn't sleep much. The on-demand in-seat video had a Pooh and a dozen disney movies (500 movies/shows/audio cds altogether!), which kept Maya entertained. Lahore has a new airport which was clean and efficient, which felt quite different from previous excursions to Asian hubs.

We went shopping in Lahore last night (and as always with nerve-racking driving, though in Aisha's nice car) and Emily got several wedding outfits and some shoes. Maya and I watched men making dyes and dyeing sari cloth on the street and other people frying corn on the cob by putting hot crushed coal on top of it. Mostly we've eaten at Aisha's home, and Maya isn't so keen on the spicy stuff ("it's spicy!"), but likes rice and rotis. She also ate an entire large potato samosa. It is the season of fresh, ripe mangoes, which we all like. And lots of ice cream, delivered by the ice cream bicycle.

Not too much else. Hopefully the heat will break sometime soon. We might be breaking out the kiddie pool tonight. Anyway, gotta go the ice cream bicycle is here!

Part II

Well we're still here in Lahore. It got much "cooler" lately. Maya and I were out playing in the "playground" (most equipment broken) in a mild and pleasant-feeling 98.6 F (never thought I'd say that, but the difference between 100F today and 118F a few days ago is amazing, the latter feels literally like an oven), but it's gotten much more humid in the past few days. I'm not sure I've ever been in so much consistent hot weather. I've never felt so uncomfortably hot all the time and drenched in sweat (we are doing laundry daily, such is the life in a country where everyone middle class and up has servants). And this comes from someone who has hiked (~6-7 miles) in Death Valley on a summer afternoon, and visited much of the desert Southwest, humid Southeast, and just plain hot South Central US. The NY Times today (AP Wire) reports that 100 people have died in Pakistan in the last few days (mostly in Punjab - the state Lahore is in), and 400 in India. We're drinking plenty of water and eating lots of ice cream, to be sure. Frequent power outages have abated, too, which is nice.

Anyway, Aisha and Emily and I just went on a doughnut run in honor of Oberlin days. We even went to Dunkin' Donuts, of which there are several in Lahore (along with many McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut, Subway, etc... globalization on the march!); unlike the US, you order stuff, and they bring it to you - they even have ice cream doughnuts and spicy chicken doughnut. Comfy pink and orange couches, too. But it wasn't in the middle of the night, since Aisha is being constrained on when she can leave the house ("to greet guests" ? ). We're trying to get her to go out tomorrow night with some friends, maybe watch a movie (you can buy first-run movies on DVD for less than 3 US dollars, including ones that aren't even out on video in the US).

Yesterday afternoon, Emily and I got to go out with Humayun. Aisha couldn't come, because Humayun's mother said so (a mama's boy for sure). Humayun is probably the only person in all of Pakistan who wears his seatbelt, and pulls over to answer the cell phone. (Typical driving in South Asia is on the phone, children in lap (I just saw 3 children and a man on a motorcycle zooming down the road), tailgating, high-speed, often in the oncoming traffic lane, especially when backing up - there are no real lanes, sides of the road are only guidelines, really, horns are liberally used, people, donkeys, and rickshaws wander aimlessly in the middle of highways, and major intersections often have no traffic lights or stop signs. Nonetheless, Lahore is pretty mild compared to some other cities I've been to, I think partly due to economic development, there are more highways now, some divided, and much fewer animals, not uncommon to see a Lexus SUV, fewer overloaded trucks)

But apparently, Humayun's mother and two sisters (one named Aisha!) are really nice, pretty progressive, and welcoming. So Aisha is looking forward to that. Aisha sends text messages to the MIL daily, often joking with her. Eventually, Aisha has plans to go to the UK for a PhD, Humayun seems okay with a short term move when cornered on the topic, but it sounds like the long term will be here in Lahore, but nothing is ever certain.

Last night was a "women's party" for Aisha at Hina's townhouse (where we are staying), the first big wedding event, about 40-50 people, lots of singing. Emily got to chat a bunch with Humayun's mom and sisters (Imran and Aisha), and had a good impression of them. I was stuck in a nearby room, in daddy day care, with a few (2-3) other men (a corporate banker and a corporate lawyer, lots of fun...) who came along and also some of the children who didn't care for the party and would rather play with toys (e.g., Maya and other toddlers), along with some women who were glued to the television for the Indian Independent Film Awards (live from Amsterdam - FYI, Bollywood, which makes 3-4 times the number of movies as Hollywood, has gone hip-hop, and also quite global, this was one of several award shows in the last few months, the last one in Singapore, today's special guest Amitabh Buchanan, now 87!).

Aisha, Emily and some girlfriends just went out right now for a small get together for Aisha, a preening party, apparently (not sure exactly).

Tomorrow, a friends of Aisha's, Mariam, is taking Emily, Maya and I out sight seeing. Should be fun, nice to get out of the house. Two days ago was our 5th wedding anniversary, so we convinced Aisha to take us out to the Lahore Museum, which is pretty cool, except that it was also really hot, and Maya pretty much turned into a ball of sweat. So we didn't stay long. In the evening, Aisha babysat Maya, and Emily and I went out to eat at a restaurant connected to an art/furniture gallery (the same restaurant where Humayun proposed to Aisha), and we sat on the floor in a dark booth, which got darker immediately after we finished eating because the power went out, but then we got a candle, so it was romantic.

The rest of the week, the wedding comes in full swing, Wednesday is the Mendhi (a party, when the women get "tattooed" with henna patterns over their arms and feet - the darker the bride's mendhi turns out, the stronger the marriage will be, so the saying goes). Thursday is the groom's party I think, and Friday is the wedding itself, and finally there is another dinner at Aisha's family home on Sunday (Emily and I leave to the US at 3 am on Monday). Aisha and Humayun take off for honeymoon in the NorthWest Frontier Province mountain countryside region of Swat some time after that (they will be driving). Unfortunately, due to hot weather, excess snow melt has flooded the rivers around Swat, so I'm not 100% sure if they'll get there or have to make alternate plans.We plan to show the video poem on Friday, based on advice from Aisha's friend Desneem, during a time when Aisha and a few women will be waiting prior to the wedding, stuck in the wedding hall, with nothing to do.

Part III

Sorry for the delay on the last installment, but apparently an undersea cable to the Internet in Pakistan was cut last week, crippling connectivity (though not
totally gutting it, they were using satellite instead). Nevertheless, it was too slow to write e-mail. Also, we were in the thick of the wedding and flooding from monsoon rains. Now we're back in the U.S., not sure what time zone I'm on anymore, but I have coffee (which I rarely drink) and a chocolate cupcake on my desk to help me. So, I've gone through the 125 new e-mail waiting for me from the past few days (not including the 70 spam already filtered out), taken a deep breath and closed my eyes and ears to the mountains of work staring at me (I'm trying to defined my PhD next spring which means I have to write my dissertation by December which means I have to finish my research by October which means ack!). But right now I'm in a doctor's office waiting for an appointment, so no better time than to write e-mail.

Okay, so Aisha got married. It happened in about the time it took you to read that sentence. She's much happier now. My brain is mushy, so I'm trying to
piece together details, so I think I'll just go chronologically from where I left off.

The weather got cooler but more humid early in the week. 90s and upper 80s, but dewpoints around 75 F.

So on Tuesday, Aisha's friend Mariam, who is an artist and teaches art at one of the local colleges - an unmarried, independent, UK-educated, 30-something who used to live on her own in Lahore (not common)- took us sight seeing.

She presented Lahore to us, like a good artist, with a jaded eye (except for the seedy parts which she likes). Still, a cool person all in all. Regaled in tales of the transvestites and prostitutes  (dancers as they're called) she interviews in the old-city Red Light District for using as models in her art classes, the ease of getting heroin in a country that makes 90% of the high grade stuff, and the large extent to which Pakistani teenagers are just like they are everywhere, drinking, smoking dope, getting abortions due to fooling around, being rebels behind their parents back, which made us realize just what a "good girl" Aisha is, though Mariam's stories of high school days suggested where seeds of rebellion were planted among their group of friends self-referred to as: "CRAP" (CReative Arts People).

So, we saw the Lahore Fort and Mosque, sipped lassi's in an artist haveli restaurant in the old-city, a three story house with a few rooms designed so
that they are "inside-out" (window frames on the inside, etc...), presenting paintings by an artist named Iqbal Hussain, famous for his paintings of old-city dancers. Took lunch out in a area known for restaurants at a place called Freddy's, which by the time we got their, it wasn't lunch time, but high tea time. Freddy's is kind of place for teenage women with their mothers and men in suits and nice cars go to be "seen", especially in high tea, which doesn't have much tea, just Pina Coladas (with no good stuff in it), and a buffet of "Continental food": pancakes, french toast, tempura, pasta salad, pizza, egg rolls, etc... along with an impressive array of cakes, jello, puddings and stuff swimming in melted chocolate. Mariam took off to yoga and helped us arrange a day trip for Thursday (more on that later).

On Wednesday was the Mendhi, which you might have thought meant the time to get henna plastered on your hands and wrists, but really it was just a party, with trays of decorated henna around, and the actual painting was the next day. Emily and Aisha's friends decorated the "henna trays" with sequins and such.
The party started at Aisha's, with a round of singing and dinner outdoors. The house was covered in icicle lights and the driveway was decorated with lines of buffet tables and a small army of cooks were outside barbequeing beef kabobs over an open flame and deep frying pooris over the same, the yard filled with chairs. Unfortunately, fewer people than expected showed up for dinner (who RSVPed for the Mehndi but didn't say they weren't coming to dinner). It's essentially illegal in Pakistan to serve food at wedding events (at least ones hosted by the bride's family), as a way to prevent people from spending too much money, but people generally get around this by either booking a second hall, or doing dinner at their home. So there was lots and lots of food. The air had cooled, and some drops of rains were seen. Eventually buses were rented to get everyone over the the hall (we got stuck in the noisy children's bus with incessant competitive singing). The hall was quite far, in a neighborhood called "Defense". A very nice hall with a procession of drummers to greet the arrivals and flower leis (suddenly I felt I was on Palace on Wheels again!).

The hall was decorated by a decorator friend of Aisha's, a young guy whose name I forget. It was quite beautiful, with flowers and floating candles on the entryway, and the large hall covered with yellow and green blankets draped in an outward fan shape from the center canopy/stage out across the ceilings. Aisha was "in waiting" in a room upstairs, while Humayun was escorted into the canopy, and entertained with songs. Apparently, there is a game of competitive singing between the two sides, though it was slightly tilted, since some of Humayun's relatives are a professional band of troubadours in India. I didn't get to notice much since I was mostly on the side or outside with Maya or hanging out with Aisha. Eventually, they took Humayun away, and brought out Aisha, completely veiled. She remained veiled during the whole event (apparently it's impolite to reveal your face to the groom's family prior to getting married), full of singing, and then various groups dancing to loud thumping bollywood-style music.

The next day, with Mariam's assistance, Emily, Maya and I rented a car and driver from a agency affiliated with AVIS to go on a day trip to some mountains (The Salt Range) and a salt mine a few hours from Lahore, just south of Islamabad. A decision that led to an adventure that I'm not sure we'd ever like to repeat. Anyway, the driver seemed nice and all, spoke some English but not much. Leaving Lahore, we entered a divided 6 lane toll-road highway (parallels the more famous 16th century Grand Trunk Road which connects Kabul, Afghanistan to Calcutta, India via Lahore), speed limit around 75 mph. Dusty city gave way to barren plains and then fields of rice paddies and straw hut villages. Zooming along, seemed nice to get out of town. That is until the driver fell asleep at the wheel 1.5 hours later at 11:30 am, and slowly drifted from the center lane toward the edge, and then crashed and jumped a 6" curb and drove off the road onto a relatively flat embankment, and the car came to a stop in some brush. Luckily, this didn't happen near guardrails, overpasses, bridges or steep dropoffs, or you wouldn't be reading this e-mail. We came out with no scratches, just a screaming child and one of those life flash before eyes kind of moment. The police came to hassle the driver, we had no idea what was going on (the police even took me aside to see if we were in distress - e.q., being kidnapped by the driver, I assume), local villagers came to offer help which the driver refused, and with few other options now, we continued with the driver down the highway, keeping a very close eye on him, and buckling our seatbelts tighter (no car seats in Pakistan either). The driver pulled bits of plastic fender and wheel cover out from the car, dusted off some of the grass and dirt, and sped off with us.

Well we made it to the highway exit an hour later, at which point, the now leaking radiator (damaged from the crash) led to an overheated car. Local toll collector officials carrying rifles (don't think about not paying your toll here!) helped pour water from bottles into the radiator with not too much luck. The car cooled a bit, we drove a 1/2 mile, and overheated again, this time near a small outdoor shack selling snacks and filled with a dozen young men who appeared to be doing nothing much but seemed excited to give their opinions on how to fix the car. We sat (separated since Emily can't sit in the shack with the guys, but in a separate women's area), much water is poured onto the car, no one speaks English, the driver is apparently inept at fixing cars, claims to have called Avis to get a second car (which will take 2.5 hours), but then instead pays off a local to give us a ride to the Khewra salt mine about 30 minutes away in his beat up small car and he'll meet us their with a new car. Okay, so the salt mine is pretty cool, off the beaten path for sure, world's 2nd largest, you take a tram in (we're the only customers for this trip, and once the ticket collector saw the American passport, we got treated very nicely) 7 stories into the 17 story mine, and then a guide shows you around a giant cavernous salt mine that was discovered by Alexander the Great, and has been mined since the 1800s or something. The coolest part are all these bricks made out of salt and fitted with lights to show off the multiple colors of white, brown, pink and purple shining through the translucent "brick", which are then arranged into structures like a mosque and a stage. There is also a working post office, Internet cafe, and snack shop in the tourist area of the mine. Some very cool structures, marble looking roofs, a hanging salt bridge, salty stalactites, an area with recrystallized salt that looks like diamonds (hence the brandname Diamond Crystal Salt?). Nice and cool inside, too. We leave and find our driver with the same car but apparently fixed. We drive up the salt range mountains (around 4000 ft tall), at high speed, across narrow winding switchbacks with steep dropoffs, quite rugged and pretty deep red rocks in gorges (apparently a few areas exposed down to Precambrian) onto a plateau of sorts, past a small Sufi town, toward an archaeological site called Ketas, an Hindu temple from 3rd or 4th c., cited in Hindu sacred texts apparently, now being dug out by archaeologists, of course all the idols are gone. But pretty cool ruins. A fun-loving bus full of Pakistani truck drivers or tourists or something were around too swimming in a nearby pond, and lots of cows and goats to the delight of Maya. Then we head home, at high speed down the divided highway, weary, but working hard to keep a close eye on the driver as the sun set and darkness fell. Made it to Aisha's safely and boy did we have a story to tell. Aisha spent the day getting wedding stuff ready, and apparently it was the day when relatives from each side visit each other in turn and bring the wedding clothes.

Meanwhile, in the evening some light rain fell, and an intense lightning storm such that I had never seen came (several flashes every second for about half an hour - it was like a photo shoot), and it seemed like heavy rain was imminent.

The next morning the monsoon began.

It rained 6 inches in 4 hours (heaviest is 6 years), and the whole city was flooded and it was the day of Aisha's wedding! Ankle and calf deep water in most places, and some places completely submerged (like a nearby shopping center parking lot filled with cars). The pre-wedding dinner at Aisha's house outdoors was canceled due to soggy ground.

We spent our day complaining to the rental agency. Mariam gave Avis hell (and used this line: They're going to sue you, they are Americans after all), then Avis (Travel Walji's is the real name) called us sounding sheepish and scared, and they they sent their manager to the house where we were staying (well it took several calls and threats to write letters to the paper), took a written statement from us, brought us flowers, and then offered a 50% refund, we argued, our corporate lawyer host made a few choice words (I'm a lawyer and so is my husband, we'll sue you!), and then they gave us a 100% refund, but he didn't have cash on him, so gave a run around, said he'd be back in an house, after several phone calls, showed up another 6 hours later with the money, offered a discount if we rent from them again (yeah, right!)

Well we had a wedding to get ready for and we wanted to show Aisha the video. The hall was nearby (5 minutes) but with flooded roads took maybe 45 minutes stuck in grid lock and stalled cars here and there. But we got there early, Aisha was waiting in the back room (lots of waiting alone for brides!), done up to a level that made her almost unrecognizable (theater-level makeup) - and the expression you're supposed to say when you see the bride done up is "You look like yourself" hmmm.. So with Aisha's friends holding up the butcher paper poem, I played the video from y'all, and Aisha was quite thrilled, and while expected the poem (she did help us get the paper after all), was quite surprised by the video. There might have been tears, but I think the makeup was done up to block her tear ducts. Anyway, it was welcome relief from hours of sitting around for Aisha. The hall was large with a flower laced canopy, and people slowly filtered in and Maya ran back and forth and back and forth, jumping until the crowds arrived. While Aisha hid, Humayun arrived to great fanfare.

A dozen bagpipers dressed in green plaid kilts played an upbeat song outside, while small sparklers and fireworks were lit off in the parking lot and drummers were drumming. Humayun and his family were showered with flower petals as they marched in by Aisha's cousins and relatives. Humayun was covered in a headdress with long strings of white flowers that mostly covered his face down to his chest. He was brought into the canopy, lots of mingling and noise for a while, and before you knew it, Aisha was being escorted out by Aamina. Aisha was wearing a long flowy red outfit. There she see Humayun and the Iman who reads some text that according to Aisha is essentially "Are you sure you want to get married?" asked in several ways several times to each person. And then that's it you're married in less than 5 minutes. No one really pays attention, the videographer and photographers basically block all views, so I barely knew what was going on and Emily missed half of it hanging outside with Maya who was scared of the crowd (> 500 people). Afterwards, the bride and groom hang out in the canopy and guests come up and greet them, coke bottles with straws are served, and you hang out until the hall kicks you out.

Saturday was a bit of a downer. Nothing to do. More rain. Hina, who we were staying with, fired her own driver from some ineptness or another (I say, good chap, it's so hard to get good servants these days... should note that just about everyone middle class and up can afford servants, usually a maid, sometimes a nurse (parents rarely have to change diapers and men never do!) and a cook (sometimes a cook is only retained for special events like when 40 guests stay at your house for a wedding), and a driver - and given that servants earn about $70 US/month and often live in your backyard (drivers squat in the sun near your car all day waiting for you to use them), maybe you get what you pay for). Aisha's brother, "Munnu", had a car accident on his way to get us (hit two guys on a bicycle while swerving to avoid a motorcycle), so we stayed at Hina's all day, catching up on work, packing for our trip home and learning about the Internet outage. What's with these car accidents anyway - I believe the subcontinent has some of the highest accident fatalities in the world, and as many as 5-10 times as many cars as 25 years ago but not many more roads. Aisha had hit a mother and child wandering on the highway several weeks back (on the way to the airport, girl was unconscious for a day, but recovered), Humayun also hit several months ago while working, plus our accident and Aisha's brother, crazy world.

Anyway, in the late afternoon, Hina's sister took us out shopping for a bit, and then she took us to McDonald's since she thought Maya could use some french fries (she didn't care for them, since now she feared that all food was too spicy and refused them, but liked the Mango milkshakes instead).

Meanwhile, Aisha and Humayun had a "brunch" at Aisha's family house, where kids play tricks like putting salt in Humayun's sweets and tea in his soda. In the evening was the groom's reception, which no one apparently cares for. It's at the same place as the wedding, the newlyweds stay in the canopy like at the wedding, done up, but with less fanfare et al., and people just mingle among sodas and hor d'ouvres of eggrolls and tuna sandwiches (it's a groom's party, so food can be served), and people "make appearances" - show up, stay for 30 minutes, say hi to the newlyweds, and leave. So pretty boring but it was nice to see Aisha, still in her crazy makeup and jewelery. Apparently her new home at Humayun's family house was nice, the family had done up the bedroom with flowers and floating candles, because they were worried about power outages and such, and originally wanted them to get a hotel room, but Humayun's mother objected.

Well Sunday had arrived, it had dried up a bit, leaving a soggy world. We packed up, went over to Aisha's family house and hung out, no sign of the newlyweds, but it was fun to see people and chat. The weather was pleasant for a change, only upper 80's and humid, kids played cricket on the street. Aisha and Humayun arrived before dinner and we hung out. They seemed to be doing good, Humayun was still quiet as usual. They were heading out to their honeymoon in Swat (the roads were passable their now as opposed to before) in a few days and staying until the 17th. The family ordered Chinese takeout (chicken soup, shrimp, lo mein, rice). I had gotten sick earlier in the day (traveler's diarrhea), and the food made me throw up - what a day to get sick just prior to going on an airplane for 19 hours! But alas, we got to the airport at midnight for our 3:30 am flight, they gave us a hard time since we had e-tickets (you can't get into the airport to check in if you can't show tickets) but we made it, and had pretty smooth flights. Emirates is a great airline. They accidentally gave away our bulkhead seats for the long flight, and we were worried that the flight from hell was approaching squished with a large lap baby, but in Dubai, they went out of their way asking people assigned to the bulkhead at the gate if they'd switch and they did. Emirates is an exceptionally child friendly airline; on each flight, Maya got a stuffed animal and other toys, and a bag with diapers, wipes, powder, jars of baby food, a bib. Older kids get activity boxes with toys. Plus the on demand video (Linux-based :) ) with 500 movies (with fast forward, pause, rewind control) including about 20 Disney movies (from Bambi to Pooh's Heffalump), 400 CDs to listen to (you can even pick the tracks), 20 video games some interactive between passengers (e.g., trivia), even views out the cockpit window and below the plane plus moving maps, e-mail/sms/wireless service (for $10), helped make the second 14 hour flight (Dubai to JFK) feel just a bit less longer. Plus a bit of Benadryl went a long way to helping Maya sleep! :)

I'm glad we were able to represent the Oberlin contingent at Aisha's wedding and it was fun to get to write about it, something I don't really ever do these days, unless it's filled with differential equations and never ending acronyms.